
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/447359.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      Multi
  Fandom:
      The_Avengers_(2012), Iron_Man_(Movies), Captain_America_(2011)
  Relationship:
      Howard_Stark/Tony_Stark, Pepper_Potts/Tony_Stark, Steve_Rogers_&_Tony
      Stark
  Character:
      Tony_Stark, Steve_Rogers
  Additional Tags:
      rated_for_themes, all_pairings_off_screen, Angst, much_angst, buckets_of
      the_stuff, non-graphic_rape_of_a_minor
  Collections:
      AvengerKink
  Stats:
      Published: 2012-06-30 Chapters: 3/3 Words: 3342
****** The Echoing Sins of Silence ******
by cauldronofdoom
Summary
     Steve was never frozen, and became Tony's godfather. However, being
     away as often as he is, all he knows of the child is through Howard's
     letters. This leads to some rather shattering misunderstandings.
Notes
     From a prompt on avengerkink. It can all be found here. http://
     avengerkink.livejournal.com/6565.html?thread=10815141
     Also, the rambling/flashbacking style's a little hard to read, I
     know, but it seemed to suit the feel.
***** 17: mistakes *****
Steve was giving the eulogy. Of course Steve was giving the eulogy. The only
people that wished he wasn’t were the ones Howard had slighted, and they just
really wished someone they idolize wasn’t talking about how amazing Howard
Stark was.
Tony knew that Steve was better than the alternatives, but he couldn’t help
wishing the older man wasn’t up on the podium. Wishing everyone knew… No. No,
that would be bad. That would get Steve in trouble, because Steve said things
like that were good, even if those stupid teachers and PSA people didn’t agree.
Steve was Captain America. Obviously anything he stood behind was right. Right?
*
“I’m glad to see you again, Tony, but I wish it could be under better
circumstances.”
(Last time was three years ago.)
“It’s such a shame that Howard’s gone, he was such a good man.”
(Pain. Hurts. Blood. “No! Dad! Dad, please! No, Dad, no! Dad!”)
“I’m glad you two patched up your differences, at least. It would have been
horrible for you two to have still been at each other’s throats when this
happened.”
(“What do you think you’re doing, causing your father all this trouble?”)
“He really loved you a lot, so I know how much your happier relationship meant
to him.”
(“This is the only type of love you deserve, you horrible brat! Useless! Waste
of time, waste of money… This is all you’ll ever be good for.”
Painhurtdangerno!)
“I wish he could have been around to work beside you, now that you’ve
graduated. He would have enjoyed that.”
(“Learned your place, have you? No more of those stupid tantrums? Good. About
time you took it like the slut you are. Don’t lie to me, I know how you are.”)
“I can see you don’t really want company right now. It must still be a big
shock, hunh? Well, just call me if you need someone to commiserate with, and
remember to write.”
(“If you’re going to act like a child, you’ll be treated like one.” Smack!
Smack! Ohgodhurtspainbruisesbloodhurtshurtshurtshurtshurts! Smack! Smack!
Captain America says you did wrong, so you did wrong. Smack! Smack! You deserve
this. Smack! All of it. Smack!)
“Steve?” A hand on his jacket. How did that end up there?
Steve just smiled and wrapped him up in a hug. “It’s alright, Tony. It’s good
to grieve, sometimes. You’re allowed to cry.”
(“Quit crying, you stupid little shit! You think this is bad?”)
“It’s okay, Tony. I’m proud of who you are, and Howard would be too. You can
cry.”
(Steve says this is right. Steve says this is how it should be. Silent.
Obidient. Not fighting.)
“You’ve grown up so well, Tony. I’m glad.”
(Steve says this is right. Captain America says this is right.)
He smiled up at the blonde through his tears. Steve said the last few years
were better, that Tony is good.
Captain America is always right about what’s good. Right?
***** 19: Realizations *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Steve didn’t remember when Tony quit being affectionate. He’d withdrawn from
contact years ago. The eyes, too, the eyes were the same. Flinching when men
walked into the room, needing to keep eyes on everyone…
He needed to talk to Tony.
It took some doing to get his superiors to release him to go to California, but
he explained that he needed to be with his remaining family after the last
mission. Sex slaves over in Asia. People, just children, really, most of them,
being sold, used, demeaned… It was against everything he stood for, and it had
sickened him. Then had come the random thought when one flinched after he
reflexively tried to help when they stumbled. They act just like Tony.
It had hit him like a punch to the gut. Had someone ever hurt Tony like this?
Was that the reason for his acting out, a trauma? Stark men could be very
proud, Steve knew. If something had happened, it would make sense that Tony
would never admit to it, never admit to having been helpless.
The more he watched these victims, the more he came to believe it was true.
He’d never been around rape victims, and neither had Howard. He felt slight
shame, then, for the lecture and spanking he’d given Tony five years previous.
Likely the incident that had resulted in the thrown book had just been a trauma
related incident blown out of proportion by Howard not understanding what had
happened, and what Tony needed.
He felt sick at the very idea of someone doing that to Tony. Bright, happy,
brilliant Tony, who always greeted him with a hug and loved learning and
inventing.
He needed to talk to Tony.
He needed to get Tony to tell him what had happened. He needed to get Tony
help, and God help the person who’d done that to him. Steve would tear them
limb from limb for hurting any child, and that it was *Tony* just made it
worse.
*
Tony wasn’t picking up his phone. Or opening his door. Still, Steve had gotten
the keys from Jarvis before leaving New York, so that was fine. He could wait
inside, and when Tony came home or came downstairs from his room or even came
up from the workshop after an engineering blitz, Steve would be there.
When Tony finally did wander up, he looked horrid. He’d obviously been a few
days at it this time, and Steve found himself sighing in fond exasperation.
Then he noticed the glassiness of the young man’s eyes and his own clear blue
orbs flickered down to the bottle he was holding.
His lips thinned against his will, and he saw Tony notice. Any hint of
disapproval from him had always cowed the young man, but that really wasn’t
what Steve was after. One of the few things Howard and him had disagreed on was
the older man’s drinking, but Howard claimed it was the only thing that kept
the nightmares of the war away. It appeared he’d accidentally passed his coping
method on to his son.
How long had Tony needed a bottle to cope? Did he have his own dreams, ones
filled with terror and hopelessness? God, Steve hoped not, but the evidence was
stacking up against that.
He shook that thought away and forced a grin to his lips. It felt wrong to him,
but Tony’s posture became noticeable less defensive, so he counted it a win and
stood up.
“What, don’t I get a hug anymore?” He asked, holding out his arms. Tony
hesitated for a moment (how long had he done that? Held back even from Steve?)
before throwing himself across the room at his godfather. Steve smiled and
stroked his hair, ignoring the strong scent of whiskey. They could deal with
the alcohol after they dealt with the why of the alcohol.
Steve steered them down onto the couch, not letting go when Tony went to pull
away. Not enough to make him feel trapped, just enough that he’d know he didn’t
have to go. Tony collapsed into his shoulder like his strings had been cut, and
Steve went back to petting his dark hair.
“I wasn’t expecting you. Even when you’re stateside, you usually don’t come out
here.” Tony muttered into his shirt.
“I just… My last operation went well, but I was feeling really unsettled after
it. I needed to come see you.”
“You know you’re always welcome, Cap. I like it when you come visit. Usually
you’re not even in New York long enough to make flying all the way over there
worth it, ‘specially since Obie won’t let me use the company jet to see you.”
“Well, that’s what you get for moving to the other side of the country.” Steve
teased. He felt the slight stiffening of the young man he was holding, but
didn’t have time to dwell on the change.
“They’re more understanding of child prodigies here. In New York they see that
I can’t even get a decent beard yet and don’t listen to a word I have to say.”
Steve made a sound of understanding and continued stroking Tony’s hair, hoping
to relax him again. He was also contemplating the morality of bringing up his
question now, when Tony was drunk enough to maybe talk. It was horribly
underhanded, but he didn’t think even his disapproval would keep Tony from
lying about this when he was in his right mind.
Tony snorted, drawing Steve’s attention back to him. “I can almost hear your
thoughts, Cap. You may as well just tell me what’s bothering you so bad you’d
fly across the country just to see me.”
“There’s no ‘just’ in seeing you, Tony.” Steve idly chided, trying to figure
out how to bring up the troubles weighing on his mind. “It was… We took down a
sex slave ring, and freed the people in it.” Tony was stiffening up again, but
Steve would lose his nerve if he didn’t continue.
Maybe he really didn’t want to know.
“The victims, once we rescued them… Even when we assured them we weren’t going
to hurt them, they kept shying away and acting oddly. I know it was from the
trauma of the rape they suffered.” He took a deep breath. Now or never. “They
reminded me, oddly, of you.”
Tony pulled away at that, and Steve let him go. “Why are you bringing this up
again now?” Steve almost didn’t hear it, and was struck speechless by what that
sentence implied. Tony was silent for a moment before he turned to face Steve.
The blonde was struck breathless by the sheer amount of tortured confusion in
the younger man’s face. “I was good, I swear! I never told, I stopped fighting
and being childish like you said… Was it not good enough? Did I not do good
enough?”
“Tony!” Steve exclaimed, gently grabbing his hands as a show of support. “That
has nothing to do with you being good or not! Things… That… Being raped is
*never* your fault, Tony, *never*!”
Tony just looked confused now, but his eyes bled out a helpless, hopeless rage
that Steve hadn’t seen outside of POW’s and other people that had been through
hell. “But it *wasn’t* rape!” He insisted, voice cracking painfully on the
words. “It wasn’t. It… You… I… He… It wasn’t!”
“Tony,” Steve said gently as he looked straight at the young man, “If anyone
ever has any sort of sexual contact with you that you don’t want, then it is
rape and you need to tell someone.”
“But… But… I was being childish, disobeying, when I said I didn’t want it. When
I tried to fight it!”
Horror was slowly growing in Steve’s stomach as he matched the words up a
conversation he remembered only too well.
Tony obviously saw the frantic denial in his eyes and mistook it. “It wasn’t! I
was being bad, and things were better when I was good! Steve, you said so!”
And just like that, even denial couldn’t save him from the picture the pieces
obviously created. He knew, in that instant, just what exactly had happened.
He knew just what exactly he’d done.
Chapter End Notes
     This was originally the end. The next, and last, chapter is an
     epilogue of sorts.
***** 35: Healing *****
Chapter Notes
     A big age jump because, let's be honest, there is *no* quick fix for
     these sorts of issues. This is the last bit.
“So. You and Pepper, hunh?”
Tony glanced over at the blonde next to him and grinned. “As happy as I am
about my engagement, I get the feeling that’s not actually what you want to
talk about.”
He’d realized, trapped in that cave, that the person he was most interested in
coming home to, even with Captain America as family, was Pepper. They’d been
dating for a year, and he’d proposed on the evening that the Stark Expo opened
once again. Even the prospect of having an actual family again hadn’t bothered
him (she’d only been late by a week, okay, it was probably just stress now that
she was sharing CEO duties with him), proving that he had moved on.
Steve didn’t believe him, though. It was exasperating, especially since a great
many of their fights had to do with Steve thinking he was ‘just a kid’ or ‘not
thinking straight’, and not listening. Still, he could understand. In many
ways, the older man was far more scarred from Tony’s childhood than tony was at
this point.
Tony ran his hand through his hair, wincing as some strands got caught in the
gauntlet. “Look, Cap, why don’t we go grab some burgers and head up to the SI
roof to talk? Not that Fury’s little goons can’t get everywhere, but we can at
least pretend to have privacy for this discussion.”
Steve hesitated, then dropped his chin in a quick nod. Tony grinned and put his
helmet back on before reaching out to grab his oldest friend and take off into
the night sky.
*
To most people, seeing a brightly coloured robot and a star-spangled American
hero going through the drive-thru would be odd. To the people that worked night
shift at his favourite burger joint, it was just a regular Tuesday. He had
standing credit with them, and never failed to show up the next day (or send
Happy) to pay his bill.
They made it to the roof easily and ate in silence, legs dangling over the
edge. Even when they were done, neither quite knew what to say. They hadn’t
actually talked about what had happened all those years ago since Tony turned
twenty one, had gotten wasted at his birthday party, and their counsellor had
declared that Steve needed to not have Tony in the room during sessions
anymore. It had still taken a few months before the ‘big, scary blonde’ had
finished cockblocking Tony, but the billionaire had tried to be patient then,
too.
It was just… When you were that young, that rich, and that good looking, a
towering, disapproving godfather was basically blue balls personified (yes,
Tony had made a few cracks about the blue outfit, so sue him. He was sexually
frustrated and didn’t care who knew it at that point). It was one of only two
truly awkward times in their relationship, so both had avoided mentioning it
ever since.
That was probably what led to them never clearing the air in the last fourteen
years. Now, though, Tony knew they had to get over it.
“Pepper doesn’t have any family any more either, you know.” He said by way of
introducing the topic. Steve shot him an assessing gaze, not sure what that had
to do with anything. “So that means we’re short one important person for the
wedding. Rhodey’s Best Man, I already asked, and Pep liked your little
redheaded ninja spy enough to ask her to be the Maid of Honour. I said I was
only okay with that if she didn’t stab me at any time during the planning, the
day, or the honeymoon. She said no promises, but Pepper overruled me.” Steve
grinned at that, knowing how much hidden affection there actually was between
the agent and her pseudo-boss. “Still, we need someone to walk Pepper down the
aisle. We were hoping you’d do the honour.”
Steve looked pole-axed, and Tony cursed his father for putting this good man in
the position where he was honestly surprised to be asked to participate in
Tony’s wedding. “But, Tony… It’s your wedding! It’s supposed to be a happy day!
You should only be surrounding yourself with good things, not things with such
bad connotations…” He was silenced by Tony turning to grab his arms in a strong
grip and glare.
“We do want only good memories of that day. That’s part of why we want you
there. We… Hell, I love you, and I want you at my wedding. You’re still my
hero, you’re an inspiration, and you are a good man! You have never done
anything to make me doubt that, and it hurts that you keep using that as a
shield between us!” Tony’s face was earnest, and he was shaking the Captain
slightly with emphasis.
“But… What I did…”
“Was an accident, Cap. A mistake. And you’ve spent sixteen years trying to make
up for it at this point. Don’t you think that’s enough? You’ve apologized, and
I’ve accepted, and you have never acted in a purposely hurtful way in your
life. You’ve suffered enough, my friend. I don’t want that. I never wanted
that. Do you understand me?”
Steve was silent for a moment, but Tony could tell he hadn’t quite won yet.
“Tony, I aided in the molestation, in the rape, of a minor. It was due in part
to my interference that the situation continued as long as it did. That’s not
something that just goes away.”
Tony gave a harsh laugh, and Steve drew back like he’d been slapped. “Don’t you
think I know that? I was there! I know what happened. And I’m telling you this
right now: It is not and never had been your fault! That was all Howard and his
power games. It was knowing you that kept me from suicide. It was knowing you
that made me believe there was actual good in the world still. I met people at
group therapy that are far worse off, because they didn’t have a good example
in their lives. You were the reason I could joke with Rhodey, that I could
shake my teachers’ hands, that I could function around men! Don’t you know what
that means to me?
“And the thing is, I’ve never pushed it because I understand where you’re
coming from. Enough people have told me that it’s not my fault that I believe
it. It was nothing I did, and I understand that now. You, though… you have no
truth that makes the guilt any lighter. And the reason it will never get
lighter is because you are just that damned good of a man! And you’ve learned!
You listen more, see more, now than you did before. You’re the one who noticed
your one agent was acting odd after that mission you can’t talk about and got
her help. You’re the one that fronts the publicity for the youth sexual trauma
centers I fund, even though you hate putting on the publicity act. You are
making a difference! You are growing from your experiences, and those are good
things!”
Tony was silent for a moment then, but Steve let him be. He knew the other man
wasn’t done yet. Tony sighed and dropped his hands onto his lap, fiddling with
a nail as he continued. “I’m thirty five. I still can’t handle authority well,
I still hate being told what to do or handed things, and I still hate when
people bring up my father. But I’m not broken. He didn’t break me. I’m engaged
to an amazing woman, I have a company that’s wealthy enough that I can spend my
days doing what I love, I have friends that tell it to me straight and support
me in all I do. And I wouldn’t change what happened then if it meant changing
what’s happening now. My only regret is that the situation is taking you away
from me.”
Steve bit his lip, thinking. He could hear the truth in every word Tony said,
and it made him feel humble. If nothing else, he should keep his guilt to
himself and use it only as fuel for his desire for justice. He shouldn’t be
letting it hurt Tony. That wasn’t fair to him, to Pepper, or even to Steve
himself. He reached out and grabbed the smaller man’s hands. “Tony… I would be
honoured to walk Pepper down the aisle. Thank you.”
Tony smiled, the big beaming grin that he’d had since childhood and that Steve
had felt unworthy of for the last decade and a half, and hugged him. And if a
few manly tears slid down cheeks that night, well, it was nothing to be ashamed
of. Those scars might never heal, but that wasn’t so bad in the grand scheme of
things. There was nothing to be ashamed of.
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